When I walk on the beach, in the woods, in a meadow or field, briskly letting my arms swing and my legs reach, that cross lateral action of my limbs moving engages my core muscles. This stimulus of these deep muscles brings me to the sensation of being in my center. But I am busy walking so may not be aware “I’m centered.” I might notice a feeling, a quality, that if I attended to it, I would say “ I feel like me, like I live in this body.” 

We can feel so disconnected in our busy lives: from ourselves, from humanity. When moving quickly (at least mentally moving quickly from one thing to the next), I’m playing the game of ‘beat the clock.’ How far can I get on this list, this project, this housekeeping, so I can do something else.

When I turn to the woods, the trails, the stream, I come closer to a yearning, a yearning to belong.

Sometimes I walk slowly, my energy is low and I absently take in what is around me. When I walk alone there is no pull to talk about the news, the world, my personal dramas. Yes, I do talk internally for some time, letting all of that run from synapse to synapse. After a while I begin to notice I feel different. I notice what is around me, really around me, beneath my feet, above and beside me; what my eyes reach to in front of me and the sounds that make me turn my head in stillness and attention. On Wild Grief walks we begin with that silent walking; to land on the earth, to be with self, to slow the inner chatter; before we walk and speak together. 

When I stop, listen, and feel into the space I have just moved through, I can curiously notice what has changed because of my presence. I can begin to feel that I am of the wild world, not just in it.

I, you, all creatures are nature; in the natural landscape we belong. 

When we are grieving, we can lose that sense of “I belong.”  The world seems strange: preoccupied with trivialities, indifferent to our pain. Our lives and our hearts have a gaping hole. When the one you love has left, your environment radically changes. How we belong, fit in, are a part of, is altered. It is new foreign territory to navigate; Who am I now? Where do I belong? 

The trees and plants, mushrooms and flowers all let me know I belong. The birds and mammals that I see evidence of (and occasionally see) go about their existence with me, they notice me. I fit here, as they do. When I belong to the natural world, I belong to myself. And without conscious awareness things shift and re-adjust inside me. Every living thing is now living without the physical presence of the one who died; every living thing is adapting, to a world without them. I will adapt as well. I am and it hurts. The trees will wait; they have patience. The short lived insects will remind us of the present moment with a touch to our skin. The plants will bloom and die, reminding us of the larger cycles. The bird song will be sad and will be joyful. it is all the same, vitality, life longing to live and belonging where it lives.

No I don’t come back from every walk enlightened, over it, or whatever I think should be. But I come back more myself, feeling my pain more acutely or feeling glimmers of joy  and hope or maybe feeling everything at the same time. Often it isn’t fully conscious but my deep being has been touched and I know I belong.

It’s not that I have been in nature, but I am nature.

So be longing. If you long for the one who has died, long in the woods, long next to rivers and streams, on the beach or the roadside. Nature keeps emerging everywhere and it is where you belong.

-Karen Kirsch, Wild Grief Board Member

Want support accessing and exploring this sense of belonging?

Check out Karen’s Recording of a Guided Belonging Grief Walk!

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Looking for support in how to deepen your connection with the natural world?

Check out our self-led Grief Walks & Virtual Hike Habits.

Nature Heals

During this time where we can’t turn to each other as easily to support us in our grief process, we can make it a habit of turning to nature for healing and renewal.

The natural world gives to us as we move through it. It engages our curiosity, draws our attention to details, transmits a sense of peace, a healthy regard for danger, offers us metaphors, invigorates our breathing, or takes our breath away.

Moving through a complex natural environment gives our grief arms and legs, eyes and ears to feel, process, and integrate.

you do not have to change,

you do not have to "get over it."

The world is here and so are you.

Find a place outside to take a walk

Many parks and nature areas are closed right now, but we can still connect with nature closer to home. Check out this Washington Trails Association article on Hiking in the Time of Coronavirus.

This could be a walk around your yard or your neighborhood, or through a park nearby. Find a place that is new, or one that is familiar.

Make sure you have what you need to be safe and well.

Water, snacks, and appropriate clothing/gear for the weather.

you are welcome here,

your grief is welcome here

What to do on your walk

You might take quiet, contemplative time to notice sensory information.

What do you hear?

What do you smell?

What do you see?

Can you find:

Four things that are alive

Three things that are dead,

Two things that are transforming

One thing you know is true.

Notice the many shades of green.

Grief too has many shades and aspects to it.

What different qualities does your grief have?

You might reflect on the following questions:

Who are you carrying with you today?

What is a favorite memory of them?

What do you miss about them?

What would they have appreciated about this walk?

Land Acknowledgement

At Wild Grief, we believe it is important to acknowledge the indigenous people who lived and may continue to live wherever we are taking a walk or hike.

For thousands of years, this land was loved and cared for by the ancestors of these people. 

On your walk, please take a moment to remember these original stewards and consider their descendants among us who still struggle with the loss, pain and grief caused by colonization. 

We invite you to learn whose land you are on and reflect on how you can contribute to the struggle for indigenous rights and sovereignty today.

Learn more about land acknowledgements and to find out whose land you are on.

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Download the Grief Walk guide as a printable PDF.

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looking for more?

Check out other Self-Led Walks or join us for an upcoming virtual gathering

Grief is our response to loss. Grief is all those feelings and thoughts that can be so painful. We are all living with loss right now. Due to the global pandemic, we are each facing a possible landslide of loss. Someone close to us may be sick or dying, or have recently died.  Some of us may lose our job or other income. We may have lost the presence of others. Our lives have changed, suddenly, and for some of us we have lost a great deal in a short time. We have to deal with a lot.

All these losses make us grieve. You have likely heard of the stages of grief. It turns out those stages were originally described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross from her observations of patients diagnosed and dealing with their own terminal illness. We all want a structure, perhaps, even instructions of what to do to deal with grief. However, it is unclear to us here at Wild Grief if this model of stages is helpful to us dealing with loss because when grieving, we often want to know what we can do, and the stages of grief seems to be a description of things that may or may not be happening to us in our own grief. 

tools for the grief journey

We suggest that the real question is how to mourn – how to deal with the grief? We have found William Worden’s 4 tasks of mourning to be truly helpful. These are things you can do when you find yourself overwhelmed by feelings and thoughts. They are not a sequence so much as they are distinct actions you can take in any order to help you go through your grief.

We have simplified these tasks from the original Worden and present them as if someone has died, but know that these tasks are helpful for many kinds of loss besides death.

1)      Accept the loss.

We can spend a long time doing our best to avoid grief by avoiding the reality of the loss. When we face the actual loss then we can begin to accept it. This can be hard to do. It is definitely hard to do all at once. A recent clip showed a person terrified of heights that was crawling, with great difficulty, to the edge of a cliff to peer over. That person could no more simply walk to the edge than they could flap their arms and fly. But they could crawl slowly to gaze into the openness of the canyon. We don’t have to run to the edge of acceptance. We may have to crawl to the edge for only a few moments at a time. 

2)      Feel the feelings

Sounds simple. We can get stuck in our grief if we stifle the feelings. When we’re crying or quietly raging, things feel out of control. It is helpful though to experience them. They are not limitless. This sting does subside if we go ahead and feel them. We can feel anger safely, perhaps alone, maybe yelling inside a car. Let these feelings come to the surface. And all the other feelings. There may be relief, regret, longing, bitterness, even moments of humor. There is a landscape of feelings. Feel them all. It is ok.  

3)      Make plans and adapt

With any great loss, our lives change suddenly and deeply. The family may change, interactions shift, money may be gone, we may have to move suddenly. We have to adapt to this and make plans. Fortunately, we can be really good at this. Fish swim, birds fly, humans adapt. It is our core competency. In planning, consider your life in 2 columns, one column is for things you can change, the other contains things you cannot. Stick with the things you can change. And it helps to make them doable, tangible, and time-bounded. To plan to “clean the house” is going to be tough, but to plan to “do the laundry or buy food for a week” are things you can get done. Lists help too. We need freedom to try on all kinds of plans. Take some time and remember what helps you bounce back when things get tough. This will help adaptation.

4)      Make a new relationship with the person who has died

When we realize the person who died is still with us in some form as memories, gifts they gave us, lessons we learned from them, or even in the way we talk, we can find more parts of them that still exist… in us. There are moments when we can remember the person and not feel the pain of the loss. Some people talk to their people who have died. Some people create memorials or do things that remind them of the person who died. The relationship has changed, but it has not ended and goes on for the rest of our lives. 

For people not grieving a death, but a different loss, this task can be adapted. For those of us growing old and experiencing debility, we can make a new relationship with ourselves. For those losing a relationship, we can make some new relationship with our ex or even our memory of the relationship. The task here is to figure out how your connection with the thing or person you have lost can go on and how you can connect without experiencing the pain.

When the losses in this pandemic mount and our grief overwhelms, these tasks are a way to work the problem. These can help you with the Go Through It part of our motto at Wild Grief which is Go Outside. Go Together. Go Through It. Hope to see you on the trail when they are open. In the meantime, see below for different kinds of virtual guided hikes at Wild Grief.

-Jim Cubbage, Wild Grief Board Member